WHEN CATS ATTACK

A few meddlesome days ago, I was eating my regular breakfast -- whoopsie, my regular breakfast is just a regular secret -- when my dad went to sit down with me. Then, surprisingly, my pet tiger, just kidding, my pet cat, leapt up on the counter and starting hissing like mad. I thought he had mad kitty disease. He hissed, his tail shot up like a lightning bolt and his eyes went cross-eyed. Then, give me a drum roll, please, he attacked. He clawed my dad in his fingers and his arm. It was a whimpy little cut. Then, I leapt off of my chair and the mad cat jumped on me and his claws sank deep into my flesh. "I'm dying, I'm dying, this is the end of me," I thought. "And I don't even have insurance on me." Then I pulled my leg away and, I swear to Captain Underpants, I leapt on my dad right on his head and hung on like a cheetah does to his prey. Then he ran like a chicken being chased like a mad cow into the bathroom. Which Batman called The Bat Room. Then, we calmed ourselves down in The Bat Room for awhile. Then, my dad bandaged my wound on my leg up. Then, my cat had calmed down and was sitting on a chair like a harmless lump of fur. Then I realized that under that fat and fuzziness there was his wildness, his toughness, his gangsterness, his instinct to attack.

Then, I got ready for school. Then, you know, I had school. Blah blah blah. Then I got home and took an enchilada, which is my word for a bath. Then I did my regular routine. Which is crazy. The next morning, I woke up to find myself still asleep. I was dreaming, don't you get it? I tried to walk but my feet refused to even budge. Finally when I threatened to punish them without any soccer today, they did budge. And it hurt. A LOT. Then, my dad complained, blah blah blah. Then it took me over to my mom's. Clap. Clap. Clap. Encore. Bravo. And I got to stay home from school. But you know it hurt. My mom tried to call the doctor, but she was busy. Great I thought. Why on every day when I'm just a little sick, she's not busy and then when I'm dying of pain, she is busy. Then after many hours of painful waiting we finally reached her. She gave me some antibuttocks. Just kidding. Antibiotics. Then for the next two days I was in so much pain I felt like my blood intestines were going to burst. Then on Saturday it was time for my soccer game. We were playing against the Lightning Bolts. I'm not tell you who won or lost. That's for me to know and you to find out. Then I went home and soaked my potarious wound, and then I wrote in my blog. And you cannot read it. Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah. Now get out of my website before I call security. P.S. My thought for the day: I think that soccer was invented by Einstein. Okay, now you lost your chance. SECURITY!!!