HEAVEN COMBO OF ARUBA JAM!!

Okay. Don't call security, don't call security. I know the title's a little crazy. The reason I'm doing it because this week was good. My talent show rocked, and I mean rocked, like pebbles and boulders. I told five jokes. The whole school thought it was so funny that milk came out their noses even though they weren't drinking milk. I was the celebrity of the week. People cheered, they wanted autographs, they threw me roses, I even had body guards. Well, maybe I'm going over the top, but it was awesome. I was like Elvis Presley. And even my teachers complimented me. How good could this get?

Another thing, it's almost the end of the school year!!!

Allright, time's up. Get out, get out. Autographs later. Sorry folks. Yep, time's up. Oh man, this is getting out of hand. Security! Throw them in the dungeons. And they'll only eat rats. But they're topped with artificially flavored parsley!!

COMEDIANS: STINKY!

I got in the talent show! Can you actually believe it? Me, getting in the talent show? That is unbelievable!
Here's a joke I'm not doing in the talent show. But it's a real good one.
This comedian was really bad at being funny. So one guy sitting in the audience during the act says, "What's smelly rotten and puts people to sleep?" The comedian answers, "Noxious gas?" The guy in the audience shouts, "No. Your act!"
My mother laughs like a lunatic when I tell this joke.
So, that's it people. Good night. And if you don't get out right this second, I'm going to call security. And throw you in a dungeon. We're going to take away your Internet access cell phone. And no pizza!

GOOD-BYE, PACO THE TACO!

I woke up on Saturday morning feeling miserable. I was cornered by two tigers. Then I really woke up. And I felt miserable because today Paco the Taco -- and of course, he's not really a taco, his name rhymes with one, which is very rare -- was leaving to go to college. Boo hoo hoo. And Paco the Taco is our soccer coach. Remember that, now. Today we had our last game. I woke up early as I do on most Saturdays so I watched Garfield the movie. It was so good, I thought that I would fly. So then my mom woke up and we washed the car. Ta da da da: Car wash! After we washed the car, give me a drum roll, please, we got ready for the last soccer game. We were playing the Killer Whales. When we got there, we did warmups. Rafa was a little bit grouchy but Paco was in an okay-okay mood. Rafa and Paco are Diego's brothers. Then we got ready for the game. I was in the starting lineup. Hooray, I thought, today's the day! The game was really long and really hard. The game was tied 3 - 3 -- like a bee. Paco said my Best Friend was the top offenser and I was the top defenser of that game. So then we went to have a pizza party, pizza party, to celebrate the end of the season and my coach leaving. It was the saddest moment of my little, little harsh and cruel life. Paco gave out trophies. He says how good stuff we did and how we need to improve. Then, I came home and had some relaxation. In my life, there never really is really relaxing. Then, me and my mom watched an old-fashioned movie, Harvey. About a six-foot three-inch white rabbit. Or how crazy people say it, a pooka. Then we took a walk around the neighborhood. We came home and went out to slumberland. Get out of here before I really lose my temper. Okay, that's it. Security! Throw them into the dungeon!

MY BRAIN HAS THOUGHTS, TOO, YOU KNOW

1. I do not think that farmers paint their barns red because the color is cheap. I think they paint their barns red because the bulls and the cows are attracted to it, like El Torro.

2. If you're a bodyguard, you need big white teeth, expensive sunglasses and a tuxedo. And you need to have lots of muscles and never smile.

3. Birds are taught not to smile because their beaks will crack if they do.

4. Lollipops are high in chloresterol. (It's good to hear Mom laughing again.)

5. Miracles never happen when you need one. Only when you don't.

6. I think that air conditioners were invited by Einstein the Great.

7. Mickey Mouse needs a hairdo.

8. If you smell a bad flower, it causes you bad luck. I don't know why. Don't ask me. Ask Einstein.

9. The reason that you can't hit a fly is because they're so dirty, that they're radioactive, so each time you swing at a fly and miss and try to smash it to death, the fly is saving your life.

10. Bumblebees have no sense of humor. Like once a friend of mine said he told a joke to a bumblebee, and the bumblebee stung him. That was not the answer to the joke.

Security, gets these guys out of my website. It's private. It's top secret. So never read it. Saying of the Day: This town ain't big enough for the both of us.