SOLOMON'S ISLAND, AHOY!

3-2-1 I counted. When the bell rang, I said, "Blast off! It's the end of school. And a three-day weekend! Can this get any better?" Just then, it did, because we were going on a field trip. Yeah, the field trip was fun, blah, blah, blah, you know. My psychotic -- just kidding -- dad picked me up after the field trip. He let me play baseball at the school for one inning. I was so overjoyed, I hugged him and almost knocked him down. When it was my turn to bat, it was still 0-0. I whammed it so hard, that it hit a player's chest and it knocked the wind out of him. I ran the bases and made it to second. And then my friend Isaiah stole third but they said it didn't count. So I argued and argued and they let it count. Somebody made a hit and Isaiah made it to home. Then I ran to home and slid -- safe! Then I went home. You know, I did all this stuff, the usual things, and went to bed.

Then I woke up. I was so excited because I was going to my mom's and we were going to have a rocking three-day weekend. We hung out. I read. I practiced piano. In the afternoon, my mom and I went went to a rockin' sockin' movie called Madagascar. It was the hour before the show, and we went and took a walk in the park and saw the beautiful air over the Potomac. It smelled like romance in the air -- just kidding. It smelled like our birds' feed sort of, our two parakeets'. At the fountain, I made lots of wishes and I skipped Old Abe Lincoln across the fountain. He's on a penny, you know. And then we walked to the park and I played there some more. Then we went to the movies. I got some candy, which were Jedi M&Ms. We watched the previews, and I was like, "Wow. Some movies are awesome and some are a bore." Then, I watched the movie. It was so good, I almost died. It was good because of the plot and the smot and the dot. And the rest. It was funny. After that, we had a scrumdidiliumptious dinner. I got lobster ravioli in a creamy sauce. My mom ordered crab cakes. We had a ketchup incident. After dinner, we walked along the river. We saw Make Way for Ducklings in real life. It was five little cute little ducklings following their big mama.

Cockadoodaloo. I woke up. I was so happy because I was going to Solomon's Island. I hung out until my mom woke up. I went to the Safeway to get food for both of my fat cats. They are so fat they make Garfield look skinny. Then, we packed up and we had a long, boring car ride there. When we finally got to Solomon's, we decided what to do. First we went into a jolly old toystore. It felt like a paradise dungeon. Then my mom said, "We can come back, Isaac." Then we went to a restaurant that a boat that was in the bar, the bar was shaped like a boat. Not like a candy bar like Hershey's or Milky Way or anything like that, a bar where people get drunk and stuff. We sat down near a table outside near the glorious ocean. Whoopsie. We're not at the ocean, we're at the bay, I reminded myself. We played and used our own instincts to entertain ourselves and our food came. And boy, that food was delicisio. I had crab cakes. Not the cake you have on your birthday. The cake that is mushed up crab. Then we went back to the paradise dungeon!! I bought one rock-popping candy and one yo-yo elastiball. Then I walked down to a mini- mini-mini- mini- mini- museum. As you all dumplings know, I go to the Oyster School. And this museum is about how you can oysters. Then we walked a beautiful walk to a museum. They had live mantarays and exhibit about them. I went straight to that. Whoopee! I thought. Live mantarays. And baby ones. And a true and false test. Wow. After I looked at the mantarays and other cool stuff, we went on a boat ride. It was awesome. We saw baby ospreys and a mother osprey nourishing them in a nest. Then I just saw water. My mother talked to a very person. I entertained myself with my own internal instincts. Then this guy I figured out was the captain chose me to steer the boat. Wow! I was actually steering the boat and being the captain. It was really, really awesome. After the boat ride, we walked a long and beautiful walk back to the car. We went to the toy store one more time and looked around and I bought myself one more treat. Then we got some key lime pie. The cafe was really cool. We hung out and relaxed and talked about my awesome education. Which is a grownup word for how much I know. Then, after that we sat and looked at the beautiful water.

Then we went back in the car. Then we saw a bowling place. So we zoomed speedy quick back to the bowling place. I thought it was going to be a place where tough guys fought and stuff. Actually it was kid friendly place. They even had offers for kid's birthday parties there. Wow and wow and double wow I thought. Then we played two games. I score 125 and beat my mom. I had one strike. And my mom said I was the Prince of the Spares because I had so many spares. After the two good and great and awesome games of bowling I had a bacon cheeseburger. I couldn't finish the big lumpy thing, so I took it in the car. And then we drove the long night home. Then I blacked out. Before you know it, I was home. It was eleven o'clock by the time we got home. When we got home, it was straight to bed for me and my mom.

Then I woke up. It was another harsh week of school, I thought. Oh yeah, it's a three-day weekend. Whoo yoo!! Then, I'm not telling you what I did, because that's between me and my mom. Alright, now get out of my website! Hey, it's none of my business that my phone bill is overdue! Now, GET OUT!

WHEN CATS ATTACK

A few meddlesome days ago, I was eating my regular breakfast -- whoopsie, my regular breakfast is just a regular secret -- when my dad went to sit down with me. Then, surprisingly, my pet tiger, just kidding, my pet cat, leapt up on the counter and starting hissing like mad. I thought he had mad kitty disease. He hissed, his tail shot up like a lightning bolt and his eyes went cross-eyed. Then, give me a drum roll, please, he attacked. He clawed my dad in his fingers and his arm. It was a whimpy little cut. Then, I leapt off of my chair and the mad cat jumped on me and his claws sank deep into my flesh. "I'm dying, I'm dying, this is the end of me," I thought. "And I don't even have insurance on me." Then I pulled my leg away and, I swear to Captain Underpants, I leapt on my dad right on his head and hung on like a cheetah does to his prey. Then he ran like a chicken being chased like a mad cow into the bathroom. Which Batman called The Bat Room. Then, we calmed ourselves down in The Bat Room for awhile. Then, my dad bandaged my wound on my leg up. Then, my cat had calmed down and was sitting on a chair like a harmless lump of fur. Then I realized that under that fat and fuzziness there was his wildness, his toughness, his gangsterness, his instinct to attack.

Then, I got ready for school. Then, you know, I had school. Blah blah blah. Then I got home and took an enchilada, which is my word for a bath. Then I did my regular routine. Which is crazy. The next morning, I woke up to find myself still asleep. I was dreaming, don't you get it? I tried to walk but my feet refused to even budge. Finally when I threatened to punish them without any soccer today, they did budge. And it hurt. A LOT. Then, my dad complained, blah blah blah. Then it took me over to my mom's. Clap. Clap. Clap. Encore. Bravo. And I got to stay home from school. But you know it hurt. My mom tried to call the doctor, but she was busy. Great I thought. Why on every day when I'm just a little sick, she's not busy and then when I'm dying of pain, she is busy. Then after many hours of painful waiting we finally reached her. She gave me some antibuttocks. Just kidding. Antibiotics. Then for the next two days I was in so much pain I felt like my blood intestines were going to burst. Then on Saturday it was time for my soccer game. We were playing against the Lightning Bolts. I'm not tell you who won or lost. That's for me to know and you to find out. Then I went home and soaked my potarious wound, and then I wrote in my blog. And you cannot read it. Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah. Now get out of my website before I call security. P.S. My thought for the day: I think that soccer was invented by Einstein. Okay, now you lost your chance. SECURITY!!!

MY THOUGHTS FOR THE MORNING

1. George Bush was raised by monkeys.
2. The world is a dark and sad place at times.
3. Calvin and Hobbes is a bad influence on me.
4. The air needs some cleaning, people. Come on!
5. Aliens really do exist.

Good-bye. That's it. Yeah, yeah. I know. Come on. Get out of my website.

LA FIESTA, BABY!

Yesterday I woke up and I thought, "Is today Saturday? It is!" My mom was still sleeping. I accidently let the cats into my mom's bedroom and they were hungy so they meowed and my mom woke up. And boy, she was not happy. She told me to get the cats out so I did and then I hung out until she awoke. Then we talked and played together until it was time to go out to Sid's, a bagel shop in my neighborhood. I walked in and said, "Bring me a pint." Which is an Irish saying for, "Bring me a pint of beer now -- or else." I ate my favorite bagel: Stewed monkey brains with pickled bird feet on a fried snakeskin bagel. Just kidding. I had lox and cream cheese and tomato and lettuce on an onion bagel. We were reading the newspaper and we were talking about the Wizards and how they creamed the butts off the Bulls to win the series. Then my dad picked us up and we went to the soccer game. We were facing the Dinos. My coach wasn't here, so the team manager coached. It was a good game. It was 0-0 at halftime. The second half, Brian scored -- he's on my team -- and then they scored. At the end of the game, it was tied 1-1. No one won.

After that, we went to my school fiesta!! We bought a strip of tickets and my mom sent me off on my own. At first, I just looked around at the prizes and ran around looking at the games. Then I found this game where you threw a ball and made it into a fall. You get 15 tries and I made it so I got a prize. A spider. I can pull some serious pranks with that. Then I went in the sack race. I won but they were all out of prizes! Then I met my friend Isaiah, and we both went out for hitting a baseball which somebody threw at us. I hit mine hard. It kept hitting the wall and bouncing back. Then, I saw an old buddy of mine. Then, I went on the Moonbounce with two of my friends. In case you are some dope and do not know about a moonbounce, a Moonbounce is a thing where you can go inside and it can be shaped like a castle or whatever, and inside there's like a trampoline!! It was so cool. I did flips and twists and you could jump 12,000 feet on it. Just kidding. But really high. Then, I went to get some cotton candy. It was so cool. The place was a mess there. There were flecks of cotton candy in the air, so you could jump up and catch them. I got a big piece. I called it Cotton Fishing. After I finished my cotton candy, me and a friend went on a cakewalk. There were like 12 people. I was one of the third, but I lost, dang it! I so wanted that cake. Then, My Best Friend came. We did the baseball thing, and I hit mine so hard it hit the pitcher right in the face. The other times, it went over the fence. Then My Best Friend and I went on the Moonbounce again, with two of my other buddies. It was such a long line, we had to use our own instincts to entertain ourselves. We balanced and played chestboxing. And we did a flip competition. I won!

Then, I found out that My Best Friend and I were going out to dinner and seeing a movie. Then, I went home and My Best Friend picked me up. We went out for dinner at a place call Papparazzi. Oh yeah. It was so good. Then, we went to see a movie called Kingdom of Heaven. It was not my decision to see it. It was My Best Friend's. It was about the Middles Ages. But I did not understand one single word of it. Well, I did understand the word "horse." But that's it.

The next day, I woke up and gave my mom my card for Mother's Day. She liked it. Then, we hung out and went to my mom's sports club. We played basketball and went swimming and had a groovy time. We went to the cafe at the sports club and watched the Wizards game. They were playing Miami Heat. They got creamed, man, big time! Then I went home and hung out and gave my mom a present, a cool million bucks. Just kidding. A bottle of wine called Pinot Grigio. Which is my mom's and my favorite. Then, I read and starting writing my blog. If you want to read it, well you can't read it. So get out! Yeah, yeah, I know, this website needs some cleaning up.

SICKER THAN A DOG

Today I was sick again. It was so boring, but I had a great time with my mom. She's a great doctor. If she owned a doctor's office, she would say, "What's up, doc?" We did some games on a sheet of paper, games of fun numbers and a little guessing game that I call A Little Guessing Game. It's a game where you draw on a piece of paper and your opponent tries to guess what you draw. You try to draw sloppy, like a monkey might draw. Most of the day, I read and slept and talked with my mom. My mom went to the Safeway and I hung out in the lobby of our building. Then after she came back I started feeling better and I got my appetite back. I ate a whole salmon, well, not a whole salmon, but a part of a salmon. It was served on crackers and cream cheese, a delicacy my mom made up. I ate different colored popsicles. They were mumbo-jumbo good. I started playing on my mini-hoop and then when my ball went under my bed it told me it was time to stop and go see what time it is. You know, my mom has been telling me I should write my opinion on my blog, and I'm going to start telling you them. First of all, I'm a Democrat. You should know that. And I think Bush was raised by monkeys. And that's my opinion for the day. Okay. Show's over, people. You'll get your paycheck later. Now get out! P.S. You know, you can never get good custodians around here.

SICK AS A DOG

You know what I dreamed last night? Nothing. I can't believe it. So, I didn't have anything to remember when I woke up. I felt lousy right when I woke up. I had pain in my stomach and a seed had grown into a 10,000-foot-headache tree and I ached all over. Now believe me, it was Monday. And Monday is the day we have soccer practice after school. I have to be feeling pretty lousy on Mondays to stay home from school and miss soccer practice.

So, I didn't eat anything and then my dad came because he was supposed to take me to school but I felt so darn lousy I didn't want to go to school. So I hung out with my dad. I couldn't hang out with my mom because she had to go to court. She wasn't in trouble, she didn't have to go to the big house. That's why I had to hang out with my dad instead of my mom. So, went to his office. And remember, this is when I'm not feeling good. Then, we went to the Senator building or whatever because my dad had to drop something off. Then we ate a scrumptilidumptious lunch. I had an incredibly healthy caesar salad and an incredibly junkie turkey burger.

After that, we went to the Capitol. He had said we were only going to be there for about 15 minutes. And as usual we were there for two hours. Then we went to another Senator's office or whatever. We went into this guy's office where my pops had to discuss something. I caused a sensation. I saw this yo-yo and did a new move I called "the boa constrictor 2,000" because it wrapped around your arm and it unwrapped and it did it again! I saw this bobble head of John Kerry and I asked this psychotic person who was there, "Does it say, 'Down with Bush?'" "Hum," said the guy. "No."

After that, we did a couple of more errands which I can't discuss because they were so boring that it would bore you to death. So then, we went in this parking lot because we are collecting license plates. We need three more. We found Wyoming and Wisconsin. But then as my crazy father wrote them down, we realized that we were missing one. And did I mention that we are collecting license plates in America. Then we went home and played horse and my dad worked on his computer like a madman. Then, I went to my mom's. I hung out and then wrote in my blog. And you may not read it. Okay. Show's over. Now get out of my website. P.S. Last night when I came back from Connecticut a wild turkey went down on the track and kablewy the train hit it!!!!! And I thought, "The rats are having roast turkey tonight." Okay. Now I really mean it. Get out of my website!

HELLO, GOOD-BYE!

I was on the train. It crashed. Just kidding. It was a long and grueling ride to Norwalk. When I got there, chit chat, then bedtime. I awoke to find myself in a castle! Then I really awoke. It was just a dream. On the week days, I'm up at dawn. On school days, it's z-z-z-z-z.

My grandmother was in the playroom, dozing off. I hung out and watched the Wizards game. Before you know it, my cousin Zachary was there. We played. And then my grandmother, my aunt, me and my mama, and of course we can't forget Zachary, went to a fiesta at a church. There was a TV there and somehow it whistled to Zachary and Zachary obeyed. The TV hypnotized him and kept him staring at the TV.

I begged my mom about 200 gazillion times to go outside. Then she finally let up. It was a fun time. Before you knew it, the fun was over. I went home to my grandmother's and my mom went to her friend's house. I hung out. When she came back, I couldn't get to sleep. Finally, slumberland took me. Here I am on the train. Okay, I think that's enough writing for now. I mean geez can't you give a guy a break around here? What do you think I am, Einstein?